She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
