I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
