Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
