Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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