why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
