I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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