how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
