You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
