so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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