I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
