Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
