Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
