walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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