no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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