He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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