I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
