Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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