I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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