then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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