Sry I called you an 8
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
