he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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