Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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