We're facebook friends in real life
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
