oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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