So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
