i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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