I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
