K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
