I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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