Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
