i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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