So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
