He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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