I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We need to get me chipped asap
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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