How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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