what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
