worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
