You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
