I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
