What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
