I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I want is dick and wine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
