before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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