There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
whose parrot is this?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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