the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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