i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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