worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
