Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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