he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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