There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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