just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
