New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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