Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.