never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.