Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.