So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?