Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?