the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out