You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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