Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
