so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
