I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well I just put wine in my tea
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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