It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
