sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
